it's here

i don't really know what to expect. honestly, i don't wanna turn 18. it's scary.

i'm here in my room, waiting for the crowd at hillcrest to settle down so i can go get some food.
i still can't believe that i'm turning 18. so much responsibility. but i did something bad today. =)
skipped chem and math lecture. well. my justification is "i'm still a kid... i don't have to take responsibility for my actions". and i can't do that tomorrow b/c by that time.. i'll be an adult.

i still have less than 12 hours as a 17 year old. and i don't think i can/ am able to live it to the fullest. there's not really a lot of things i can do.

i'm losing my motivation recently. maybe it's because thanksgiving break is coming in 7 days. i have a stack of chemistry reading i need to do, piles of math homework from two math classes, etc. and the worst thing is, after thanksgiving i have two midterms.... AHH!!

my boyfriend hasn't called me in more than a month maybe?? maybe not. yea? maybe i didn't call him.. well everytime i call him he says he's busy. yea. maybe he has another girl, but i highly doubt it. and i agree w/ cfm though, that 'he's not making the effort' well. so what does that mean??/ i'm pretty sure he still likes me... i hate long distance relationships. but somehow, all mine are. maybe it's just my current situation.

either way, i'm slacking when i could be studying for my test next wednesday. subspaces??? WHAT??? yea. this is what i get for not paying attention in class.

i'm sleep deprived. dehydrated. and i freaking gained weight.. not that i'm fat enough already.. now i'm fatter. damnit! i don't understand how ppl can stay in shape. i'm so freaking jealous.. yea.. maybe i should not eat that much and exercise.. but ppl don't exercise.. what is wrong with my metabolism???

idea (it just struck me) - okay. so if my bf doesn't like it... then he'll dump me b/c he doesn't like me anymore. if he doesn't mind, he still does....

am i making much sense?? i tend to not make sense these few days. i just have random thoughts here and there with no linkage what so ever.